goddammit... wah seh.. lol..
when i say people dumb, DID I SAY THEY ARE DUMB BCOS THEY GOT PROBLEMS?! DID I? I SERIOUSLY STILL CANT FIGURE IT OUT AFTER READING MY BLOG REPEATEDLY.
YAYA.. I GOT PROBS I TELL UR MOM AND NOT U.. BUT ME ONLY MAH?
LOL I GUESS UR BF TOO! PLS, HE TOLD UR MUM IN THE PAST THAT HE BET SOCCER HIMSELF DE OK! HE TOLD 5TH AUNT ALSO OK?! BUT EXCEPT U! SO HOW NOW? LOL.. HATE HIM ALSO LOR..

YAH IVE MY TEMPER, IVE MY PROBLEMS, I DO QUARREL WITH MY FAMILY, BUT I DONT CALL AND FUCK PPL WHEN I HAVENT GET THINGS CLEAR YET! OH I DIDNT RECALL MYSELF GOING AROUND TELLING PPL UR DEAREST, ANGELIC BF IS BAD, BUT WELL, I THINK THEY THINK SO TOO, I DONT HAVE TO TELL THEM SO THEY HAVE EYES TO SEE..

AND FOR UR FUCKING INFO, IVE NV EVER LOOKED DOWN ON HIM B4 FOR HIM BEING POOR OR DIVORCED, IF I DID, I WONT EVEN BE FRIENDS WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. OH NO, I REMEMBER, PARTNERS WE WERE. YAH I SERIOUSLY THINK U NEED SOMEONE WHO REAAALLLLYY LOVES U.. BUT TOO BAD I DONT THINK THAT PERSON IS HIM.

sigh.. if he only lied to u abt soccer, i would nv think that he is that bad..cos me myself gamble too..i dont look down on someone who lies to his gf abt betting soccer secretly cos i understand how an addicted gambler feels..
but he's just a plain, professional liar who lies through his teeth so easily! to u! her gf! her gf who did so much for him!? i dont think u deserve this kind of treatment from him..

please lor.. u didnt know what i went thru...& the worse is, when i cant bring myself to tell u! i started to feel really sorry towards u...and started to feel he is a bastard..and no longer regard him as a PARTNER anymore.. when uh.. if u remember..a weekend either sat or sun..coming my hse after meeting ws and ww.. eating maggie mee with me and my sister..
WHOLE FUCKING DAY NV ANSWER UR CALLS AND REPLY UR SMSES..COS HE HOSPITALISED??!!
dumb me, kpo me.. when u reached my hse and told me that whole day he nv answer ur calls, when initially u planned to meet him up.. my 1st reaction was WTF?! we were in contact the whole day smsing n phone calling talking abt football..!
smsed and called to ask him why.. answer i got back was BECAUSE I WANT TO BET SOCCER. LOL! i got a shock outta my life! i remember vividly this is wad i told him..

"partner, if u gonna do so to her again, im not going to bet soccer for u anymore.. because of betting soccer u avoided her calls the whole day just not to meet her? u know i feel damn guilty now.. she looked so upset and worried for u lor.. u better call her back and think of something"

U WERE TELLING ME THE NEXT DAY'S EARLY MORNING U GONNA WAKE UP AT 8AM TO VISIT HIM AND BUY HIM BREAKFAST.. I'D THE URGE TO ASK U NOT TO.. BUT.. I SIMPLY CANT.. I REMEMBER FEELING THE PAIN AND GUILT..SEEING U LEAVING MY HSE SO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO BUY BREAKFAST FOR HIM.. AND TRAVELLED ALL THE WAY TO TELOK BLANGAH..

HOW U EXPECT ME TO TELL U ALL THIS WHEN I KNOW U'RE SO SERIOUSLY AND DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM?!! HOW TO? ALL OF THEM KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I ATTEMPT AND WANTED TO TELL U ALL THIS BUT I SIMPLY CANT BRING MYSELF TO DO SO COS I KNOW ITS GONNA HIT U REAL HARD. AND FYI.. REMEMBER THE MONDAY WHEN I SUDDENLY MSGED YOU AND ASKED U OUT.. TO SHIN8..(AFTER WE'D A QUARREL AND DIDNT CONTACT FOR 2WEEKS).. ONLY THE 2 OF US? U THOUGHT I WAS IN BAD MOOD COS I LOOKED SIAN.. U THOUGHT I ASKED U OUT TO DRINK COS I WAS IN BAD MOOD.. NO LOR.. U'R WRONG.. I WANTED TO ASK U OUT THAT DAY TO TELL U EVERYTHING BUT .. I TOOK SO LONG, YET I STIL DONT HAVE THE COURAGE TO! THAT IS WHY MY FACE LOOKED SO SIAN.. I HESISTATED SO LONG..I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE EARLY WHEN U SAID U FEEL LIKE LEAVING LE..IT WAS 12AM I GUESS.. WHY? COS I WAS STILL HESISTATING WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD TEL U..

HAD A STOOPID THINKING OF.. MAYBE I DRINK MORE.. DRUNK LE EASIER TO SAY.. SO I DRANK UNTIL I VOMITTED.. STILL.. I DIDNT SAY A WORD.. WHY? I DECIDED NOT TO... COS I THOUGHT.. AND THINK THAT .. UR FEELINGS ARE MORE IMPT..IVE TO CONSIDER ABT UR FEELINGS FIRST AND I DONT KNOW HOW U GONNA TAKE IT IF I TELL U SO MANY THINGS OUT OF A SUDDEN.. SO I PUT EVERYTHING ASIDE..

QF, NO ONE LOOKED DOWN ON HIM, NOT EVEN UR MOM. UR MOM INITIALLY ACCEPTED HIM DE LOR AND EVEN WENT DRINKING WITH HIM ALL THAT.. U SHOULD KNOW..

BUT WHY NOW EVERYONE THINK HE ISNT GD? IT IS ALL AFTER GETTING ALONG WITH HIM, HANGING OUT WITH HIM..THEN EVERYONE REALISED! NOBODY INFLUENCED NOBODY ON HE ISNT A GD GUY.. BUT EVERYONE JUST AGREED AND THINKS SO..

IM NOT RICHER THAN HIM, IM ALSO A GAMBLER, I LIED B4 TOO, I MADE MISTAKES TOO, I EVEN MADE MORE TERRIBLE MISTAKES THAN HIM BEFORE, SO WHO AM I TO LOOK DOWN ON HIM?! WHAT MAKES U THINK SO?

ALL I KNOW IS, U'R JUST LIKE PART OF MY FAMILY, AND I DONT THINK THIS GUY DESERVES U.. TAT'S IT..

NO ONE GOSSIP BEHIND U, EVERYBODY WANTED THE BEST FOR U I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, UP TO U.. IM NOT GONNA SAY MUCH OR EXPECT U TO APOLOGISE ANYWAY.
JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT, I FEEL TERRIBLE HAVING TO HIDE SO MANY THINGS BEHIND U..TILL NOW, I'VE TO EXPLODE. BUT, OUT OF ALL THIS, I HIDE IT FOR SO LONG AND SO HARD, JUST BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF UR FEELINGS.

ANYWAY, IM WASHING MY HANDS OUT OF IT AND IF U STILL THINK HE DESERVES U.. I WISH U ALL THE BEST SINCERELY...
WHETHER WE'LL EVER TALK AGAIN, I DONT KNOW. BUT, PLS.. UR MOM LOVES U. IF SHE DONT CARE, SHE WONT BOTHER ABT U LE.. DONT THINK SHE WANT TO SUFFER HERSELF LIDAT.. MAKE HERSELF QUARREL WITH U AND EVERYTHING WHEN SHE ALREADY HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

BLOOD.. IS THICKER THAN WATER.
BF DONT HAVE LE..CAN STILL FIND ONE.. ONE WHO REALLY LOVE U.. ONE WHO WONT MAKE UR LIFE MORE MISERABLE.. ONE WHO DOTES ON U..
BUT, FAMILY U CANT. GONE MEANS GONE. U CANT FIND A 2ND MOTHER OR 2ND SISTER. JUST LIKE WE CAN NO LONGER FIND WAI PO ANYMORE.

LIKE WAD UR MOM ALWAYS SAID, I WENT THRU ALL THIS WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER.. I WAS REBELLIOUS, MY TEMPER WAS FUCKING BAD, I QUARRELLED WITH MY FAMILY MEMBERS ALMOST EVERYDAY AND I DONT STAY AT HOME. BUT I CHANGED.. WHY.. COS I REALISED FAMILY'S STIL THE BEST. FRIENDS AND BF LEAVES U, BUT NOT UR FAMILY. THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR U TILL THEIR LAST BREATH.

I'VE SEEN WHAT MY FRIENDS, AND FRIEND'S PARENTS WENT THRU WHEN THEY CANT SEE EACH OTHER AS AND WHEN THEY LIKE, THEY CANT EVEN GIVE A HUG OR WIPE OFF UR TEARS WHEN U CRY.. I FELT SO MISERABLE FOR THEM..AT THE SAME TIME, I WAS SO TOUCHED BY THOSE SCENES.. THEN ONLY I "WOKE UP"..

IT IS ALWAYS TOO LATE TO EVER FEEL REGRET.....

anyway, think hard.. pile up ur pillows at night..and think.. u'll realise everyone around u cares for u..esp ur family members.. CARE FOR THE PPL WHO CARES FOR U..

smoke-d @
Sunday, May 20, 2007}