so damn lazy to update recently!! nothing much is up for the past few days too lah.. just wanna thank "someone"..which i think it will be better not to mention the name here.. u've been there for me for the past 1 week.. talking to me..sending concern.. i'd no one to turn to..before u.. i dont know how things will be in the future.. i still cant face it now. but all u do is keep on encouraging me.. staying the nights up with me.. im not someone who's gd in words but i'd really like to say a big thanks. oh and i think u know who u are! :)

fate can be really cruel sometimes.. it just play a fool on u.. haiz.. i should have expected this day.. i should have regretted it earlier..or rather not having the chance to regret at all.. its so sucky to ever have regrets.. regrets that u know u wont ever have the chance to fulfil it again.. BOO!! i want the "universal remote" that Adam Sandler have in the movie "Click"! i wanna "rewind" to the past.. i wanna turn back the time......

i dont deny that sometimes i feel kind of .. lonely.. perhaps all humans did felt the same way like me too? i suppose? but.... lolx.. what can i still do?

anyways.. ive gotten The O.C season 3 now!! just borrowed it home.. kind yanting sms me yesterday when i was off.. told me that its out already! kind of excited.. hmm..but not as much as before lah.. i dont know why but maybe im just not in the mood for anything now.. but well.. watching OC passes my night time alot faster..
its my OC MARATHON AGAIN!

well i just wanna note the below thing down before i ever forgets.. though i'm kinda sure that i wont..unless i become a retard 1 day..or when i turn old and grey..
---ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13.. THE ONLY MEMORABLE MOVIE WE'D EVER WATCHED.

smoke-d @
Wednesday, November 29, 2006}

woah betted 5 matches jus now.. result.. won-won-draw-draw-won.. gd start! but... betted the 6th and 7th.. this time.. lose-lose.. lol.. sad lah.. and i hate this kinda feeling! give me all the extreme taste of goodness.. then take it all back.. but well.. that's life isnt it? gd things nv really last uh...? (p/s: betting is a gd way for me to kill time..makes me feel pretty much occupied too. well, im not a hardcore gambler afterall!)

i hate sundays now.. though i nv used to.. everyday sunday..which is also the end of the week.. makes me..unhappy..pretty much.. yah its how i end every single week of mine..so terribly..
at 1 point of the time, i thought it was all over. i thought i'd gotten thru the worst.. but now.. i think.. its only just the start of everything.. i've nv gotten over anything..not at all.. it just.. seems unforgettable.. well maybe to me only.....................

---i remember everything..vividly..

smoke-d @
Monday, November 27, 2006}

Don't want to close the door
Don't want to give up on it
Don't want to fight no more
We'll find a way around it
Where's the love we had?
We can make it last

Tell me what I gotta be
Tell me what you wanna do?
Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know i can't go on, living like we do
Do I have to cry for you.. Do I have to cry for you?

So tell me what it's for
If there's no winner in it
Nobody's keeping score
Let's start from the beginning
Can we make it last?
With the love we have

Tell me what I gotta be?
Tell me what you wanna do?
Cause I can't live my life the way you want me to
You know I can't go on, living like we do?
Do I have to cry for you? Do I have to cry for you?

Do I gotta stand in the cold dark night till the morning light yeah
Do I have to say 'I won't let you get away'

What do I gotta be?
Tell me what wanna do?
I can't live my life, the way you want me to
You know I can't go on, living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
You know I can't go on, living like we do
Do I have to cry for you? Do I have to cry for you......................

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 26, 2006}

god damned son/daughter of bitches! fuck! know wad.. we've been losing dvds for the past 3 days.. and its a total of 20++ dvds.. i mean till now we found 20+ missing.. i think there's more to go lor.. fuck! and we were so damn close to catching 2 fucking bastards! nv mind i will catch u all red-handed very soon..
i just cant understand.. no money to buy then watch ur tv at home lah.. watch ch5 or whatever shit u have..why muz steal? i only have freakingly 2 ppl to work everyday and we're fucking busy enough ok.. cant even finish our work sometimes, where got time to catch thieves? to those fuckers out there who stole my dvds, crash a car, fall down the stairs and break ur own limbs..watever! just dont ever come to my shop again. i remember that 2 fucking face of yours! and its such a disgrace! a pair couple shoplifting together? what a great couple! u know what? couples like u who have the same kind of "HOBBY" are extinct now already! great! be so proud of urselves ok. hell i bet u are. ok enough talk of all this idiots who totally spoiled the whole of my working day.

met up with keline yesterday.. drank abit..chit chatted.. err..end up vomitting also..lolx.. it was like ages since we hang out like this together.. it was great! we stayed up till 4am then keline suddenly said she's hungry.. so we had mcdonalds breakfast delivered! lolx.. slept at 5+.. woke up at 8+ to work.. damn.. hungover.. earlier part of the day was quite terrible.. only ate porridge at around 4plus..till now.. mom didnt cook dinner.. so.. nvr mind lah..not really hungry too.. :)

realised..there's still lotsa things which i couldnt let go.. i dont know how to also lah.. everytime i just felt myself so "soul-less".. esp after work.. esp in the night.. oh whatever..i know its beginning to sound so gross lah.. ok im just bullshitting now. im great! im fine! ive nv been better before! see..thats how a "brain-dead-human" talks..

its weird.. nowadays i feel cold so easily.. ppl who knows me would know i'm not someone who really feels cold easily.. except in air con room lah.. but now i can do without fans.. why huh? i wondered..is it because of loneliness?

---no one can take away someone who lives in ur heart....

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 26, 2006}

dont know what to blog.. but still end up blogging.. lolx.. moodless+upset over somethings++++++alot lah.. dammit.. why will life be gd to me huh.. i really wonder..
arr.. drop it! complain also no use..

slept at 5am this morning.. woke up at 4pm.. 11hours.. ok i can see how exhausted i am.. sleeping everyday at 4 or 5am..then work.. i think i get so used to the timing to sleep already! anyways..yanting told me yesterday.. she read on some book that says..in life, people will meet 2 obstacles which is the most terrible for them to overcome. oh well, then i think i've met 1.. difficult.. i dont even know or think i can overcome it.
well, i guess the most horrid thing is, God gives u the best of everything at 1 point of ur life, then suddenly took it all back. well, thats horrid! :(

whatever it is, it just sucks when u cant let go....... i always said.. never fight fate.

smoke-d @
Friday, November 24, 2006}

oh fuck.. wtf was i doing? its just so wrong lah.. where is all the will I'd previously?! where had they gone to?! fuck man.. im just so naive.. why cant i just think and decide properly before i act? i knew it is wrong.. i knew i would be making myself more miserable this way! tons more miserable? so why?!

someone..pls knock some sense into me.. why do i want to interrupt other's life esp when u know u shouldnt? esp when u know they fare better than u? who am i to compare to otherS? fuck.. i'm the past tense.. ppl are leading in their present tense now ok. WAKE UR FUCKING MIND UP!

after all.. i just think that it wasnt fair to me..not at all.. i didnt get the same treatment from u in the past.. u might say it was ur wrong in the past for not considering abt my feelings.. is this comforting me or apologising to me? i can only say that it didnt help or work ur intentions at all! TOTALLY! hey it just breaks my heart for god knows why! i just dont feel comfortable this way! i'd rather not know u..stranger.. ("stranger" is use by the Americans to call someone whom they havent been seeing/talking to.) not those that meant -strangers whom u dont know on the streets ok..

anyway... i think i screwed everything up.. truly sorry but i just cant control myself..

smoke-d @
Friday, November 24, 2006}

weird title i know..but.. yah.. i really cant remember u..or rather anything abt u.. im super "blues" today..
at 1 point, i find myself tearing up apart.. maybe like wad ppl says -PMS? i dont know..

i guess i've been strong for the past.. 2mths? or rather trying to be.

i guess im not ready..
i cant do it lah..how to? and esp. after knowing how gd life has been for u.. i dont wish to screw everything up.

i really hate it when skies turn dark. it just naturally..somehow shadowed my days.. i must admit i think alot at night.. i reminisce alot at night too. sometimes i just wished if i can work everyday.. but i cant..unless im a robot..

come to think of it.. well..there's always a fine way to comfort urselves.

hey, u're not the most pathetic person in the world ok.. u've got nothing to worry abt living abt surviving.. ppl out there..live everyday in despair..no food no lodging.. and you? all ur troubles come from urselves..

THE SOONER U REALISE THAT ITS NV GONNA GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS, THE SOONER U CAN MOVE ON.

profound sei.. lolx.. anyways.. im off on fri! err actually not so excited lah.. i need a break through lah.. fri! maybe! well, i cant be tearing myself apart, after knowing that u'r doing so well now.. wth!! wake up lah LIN PEIRONG!! GET A LIFE! :)

looking forward to holidays with QF.. but we still havent decide where to go yet.. oh well..after going around for so long..headlessly.. well, families are still the best!
as the chinese saying . . the bestest dinner also have to end.. ;)

---life dont always turn out the way you think it will...

smoke-d @
Thursday, November 23, 2006}

yesterday was a bad night for me.. claypotted.. amongst all the bets that i cant even remember exactly how many, i only won 2 out of it.. worst thing is, the 2 won matches, i only betted 50 each..lolx.. i must have stepped on some shit i dont know..

ok i shall stop talking abt the unlucky things.. today is a start over for me.. i hope the winning strike is back!! wahahaha..

:( there i wasted a off day le.. didnt really do anything today.. well i slept at 6 in the morning.. woke up at 12noon.. ate..watched OC..dinner.. sleep!! and ive finished watching season 2..stuck!! :( dont think i'll be able to get all the boxsets so soon..yah but season 3 is gonna be out this work!! so that means i can borrow it home to watch first!
well..its kind of weird..im just kind of afraid? to watch season 3..lolx.. still cant believe that Marissa's character is goin to end in season 3..so weird!! wad kind of weird OC director! she is 1 of the lead and i bet 1 of the favourites too! and u're taking her out of it after the whole lot of 3 seasons!? wow..im just wondering if i'll just stop at season 3..
anyways, ive grew to like seth cohen in the show too! he's cute lah and funny! ;)

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 19, 2006}

OM! i havent been blogging!! i've been spending nights on watching tivo!! shiatz! but i cant really resist on not watching OC.. :P

met up with MJ hommies just now.. a small gathering lah.. and know wad!! Yihua from CP!! i hate him lah! suddenly we got into the topic of OC.. then he told me that Marissa died in season 3!!! gahhhh!! wth!! im still in season 2! and i want to see Ryan and Marissa together! now u're telling me...what? Marissa,gone?? grrr! and i hesitated if i should really buy the dvd now..but yah i think i still want it lah..haha!
oh and my sis's friend's friend is in the states now..so he can buy it for me! so cool right! at a definitely cheaper price! cos to buy code 1s' at sg is a rip off lah! ok i want it!! for sure!! and he said season 4 is also out in US!! i want!! ALL! lolx.. sorry but im so obsessed with OC now! ;)

ooohh..and tmr is my off day!! and monday also! nice!! i can have plently of rest during these 2 days! monday goin out to have steamboat with siss..keez!

claypotted on 2 match just now..hope the remaining 3 wont let me down!! liverpool!!! score soon pls! heee...

gotta go!! to "supervise" the match! lolx!!

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 19, 2006}

im back! lolx..sounds like i've just came back from somewhere..but no lah.. back from the sticking on tv! yeah im on O.C season 2 now! have decided to collect the boxsets! sis have got friend's friend at California..hopefully she can help me buy season 1-3! CODE 1!! Ryan is so damn cool lah! and Marissa!! i like them!!
met up with Qf and Mike yesterday..went to eat chong pang nasi lemak.. wa so many cats there lor!! not a gd choice to eat there! :/

suddenly .. kept thinking of alot of things recently.. reminiscing the past.. well,kind of forcing myself not to.. think of all the negatives.. yah.. each day i just rush home to watch O.C to keep my mind off everything! its pretty difficult..but somehow O.C did the trick! lolx!
all these are memories.. that i just cant seem to forget.. but i do wish to..if i can.. gah! drop the unhappy subjects!

woah! coming sat is the MJ gathering! its pretty cool! but actually my staffs are more excited than me lah..cos i already knew and seen most of the MJ staffs.. looking forward to it!

Tivo time!! :)

--if i knew today would come, i would never never choose the path i chose again...
i'd rather be strangers..at least, no one gets to suffer..

smoke-d @
Wednesday, November 15, 2006}

realised i havent been blogging for sometimes! not even blogging..didnt online also... after prison break, im now into O.C! so cool! i want to buy the dvd.. but code 1 is so ex lah! but i want!! code 3 cheaper but so lousy! graphics sucks! sure got alot censored off! im now stuck at season 1.. cos shop only have season 1..still waiting for outlets to transfer me the season 2! but so sad! im off tmr!! which means ive got nothing to watch!!

not much programmes from the past 1 week! been rushing home to catch prison break.. and then now O.C.. i was stuck on the tv everyday till 4 or 5am! slept few hours..then work..
been hanging out with QF and mike pretty much..lolx..cos we apparently have the same interest! make money! hahaha.. went marina south for steamboat with them last thurs.. then ktv.. fun!! ;)

felt like ive spent alot of money recently..dont know at where though! bought a dvd player for my room!! yes!! finally! haiz.. as for the one in my living room..let it rot lah.. hahaha..

x'mas coming soon..(actually not that soon..still 1 mth away) but hell..every1 is talking abt it already!! im not so into x'mas...

--just wondering where will i be...?

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 12, 2006}

i got to know another god damned thing that i shouldnt know. pls kill the curiousity cells in my body, badly.

---wrecked life. especially when i know u'r doing well, despite wrecking my life.

smoke-d @
Wednesday, November 08, 2006}

damn sucky to see them play. oh and this is not the point. point is, i lost 100bucks on them, plus i wasted 2hours watching them play like mad cows!! damnit.
wad a big fanciful club to lose to celta! for christ's sake! and to see david beckham play like some stoopid england players. i personally think that he is not fit to be in real madrid. sucks! i think ur coach better regret for not letting u sit on the bench today. he should.

now i hope valencia make it. please.... :)

smoke-d @
Monday, November 06, 2006}

haiz.. sometimes i just wonder.. why dont u just let things go? be easy on others, on urselves. i just hate people getting ME into THEIR FAMILY PROBLEM. i respect u, as a aunt. dont give me shit. though i pity u at times, but i pity ur kids too. give people a break lah, will u?

was off on thurs, went to kbox with tony, yanting,leeling and ethel after dining with Lims. was having fever, even b4 i went.. but still went along cos everything was planned.. felt quite terrible at there, so i actually slept..throughout.. LOLX.. but they were enjoying lah..! hahaha.. left at 3am.. reached home.. K.O straight..

feelin so damn cold that night..took MC on friday..lolx! and know wad.. woke up at 9plus..making phone calls lookin for replacement to work.. so went back to sleep around 10am.. wah! when i wake up again, it was 6pm! wah shocked! nv ate, nv pee! i think i really breaking down.. i hope yanting dont.. :)

anyway..after revamping the shop, i felt TM "revived"! kinda felt hopes there.. but.. today was damn disappointed.. 2.5K for sat! Chris asked me today: wad if 1 day TM closes.. i'll quit. yah.. after probing her why she asked so, then she said. boss kind of talk abt TM..talk abt closing TM but have to pay quite a sum of money frm terminating contract which he actually re-newed it few mths back. i was.. disappointed then. dont wish to see it down, after the effort ive tried to put in. haiz.. bt wad to do.. i'm the boss. just hope God bless me, or rather TM.. keep going! please! ;)

yay..tmr work starts at 3pm! yay!! which means i can continue watchin my prisonbreak! LOLX! nice nice! i like! i watched it till 4am last night! dad too..so funny.. there's no chinese sub for him..ahaha... but think he enjoyed watching too!

--i just want it the way i want it to be.

smoke-d @
Sunday, November 05, 2006}

what a draggy off day.. dont know why i jus find the time dragging! with the damned blocked nose.. i thought the haze didnt really bother me that much..but yah.. so suay.. i fall sick when its coming to an end soon.. =(

watched prisonbreak just now! not bad..or maybe im still not so into the story yet! freakingly tired lah.. watched the 1st disc.. 4 episodes altogether but only managed to finish 3..err..but in the middle, i fell asleep like 3 or 4 times? LOLX.. and now mom "snatched" the tv..to watch some cheena taiwan series..hahaha.. omg..i really need a dvd player in my own room! i want it back!! badly! who asked me to buy the player last time then end up installing the player in the living room!! :/ and for christ's sake.. im like the only using the player! but i hate watching tv in the living room..no bed..cant really smoke..no air con.. plus cant watch in peace also! gahhZ!

going dinner with Lims family later! lolx.. for mom's bday! haiz.. damage again.. oh and i lost $118 last night for those fuckin match! stoopid arsenal ass.. stoopid lyon.. haiz..
might be meeting up with tony and guys later.. to? ktv i think.. didnt want to go due to wad happened yesterday..but yah.. received yt msg this morning. she was reminding me that it is her bday celebration..LOLX! she is using "ku rou ji"! but anyway, ethel smsed to apologise.. actually, im more of disappointed than piss.. haiz.. drop it.. i should have a gd talk with them instead. :) i wont see this outlet shatter.. wahhahahaha..

feel so tired..esp this week after the big revamp in my outlet..everyday got neverending job to do.. tidy here and there.. shifting around.. feel like taking a short break..like maybe 2 days? i've got like 2extra off days and on top of that, a 15hours to claim off.. insane.. i think me and yt are the "alive robots"! lol..

gonna take a shower now! meeting up with siss in an hour and i havent do anything yet!!! (-...-)

--its so hard forgetting everythin..esp when night falls..

smoke-d @
Thursday, November 02, 2006}

WHY ARE PROBLEMS COMING TO ME NEVER-ENDING?!

DAMN SHIT! THOUGHT I'VE GOT OVER SOME SHIT. NOW A NEW ONE STARTS.

my year of 2006 started off so well.. everything was gr8. coming to an end, everything was totally fuck up. for fucking goodness sake!

today, the ever fucking first time. i'd a big quarrel with my staffs. i dont know why too? to me, it was a small issue, a small sacrification that could have make everything done perfectly. was that too much to ask from u?

refer to all my previous blogposts. i really feel proud to have all this staffs in TM. i'm proud of them, proud of myself for having them. but, today was a lil disappointment which caused me to hesistate.. are they? i dont deny that im also in the wrong, but i definitely dont agree that its all my fault. simply, because u are not a full timer, u're not working everyday, facing different types of customers. u dont feel the responsibility. i dont blame u for that, cos u're a part timer anyway. BUT, have u ever spared a thought for me, for our outlet? dont u also want our outlet to do well after so much efforts we made? did u ever regard me as ur Sup? i dont think so. whatever happened today, reflects to customers how bad our service is. it also shows them that the supervisor of the shop made empty promises. otherwise, can i just tell her that its because my staff wants to buy it, she's not letting it to u.. obviously i cant! so now, it is the In-charge's fault again. ive always maintained a "friend-friend" r/ship with u all during work..so that u all wont feel stress working with me. giving the immense trust in u all.. even when i said "no" at times, but in the end i would still make exceptions.

im not trying to emphasize or make myself sound gr8.. as all of u are gr8 to me too! i dont know wad went wrong. or maybe i was too stressed up during work. so much shit to do, yet everyday(i really mean everyday!) shorthanded.

revamped the whole fucking shop on sat after work with ash, jiahui and yanting. and till today there's still so much more to tidy up! im freakingly exhausted! still so many problems coming up! im giving up.. im physically and mentally tired. i see nothing gr8 at the end of all the hard work.. really...

where's the joyful working days in TM gone to....... :(

smoke-d @
Wednesday, November 01, 2006}