smoke-d @
Wednesday, February 28, 2007}

just realised i havent been updating for more than a week.. CNY was okay... as usual..play poker..eat..play poker.. shall not update details abt CNY le.. cos every year's the same.. oh no.. not true.. this year.. some difference.. yah...
well.. fell sick on the 2nd lunar day.. stupid toothache+fever+throat pain..(the damn irritating toncer again)... luckily fever went off the next day..hee..

been acting kind of weird recently(told by others).. am i? hmm.. after CNY, i dont knw why i just dont really feel like calling up or talking to others..except for my family and relatives whom i've been seeing during cny lah.. kind of feel that ppl cant understand how i feel.. haha.. whatever.. i think being alone for a while isnt a bad thing.. at least for now, when ive got nth much to do at home, i've got Lost season 1 to watch! hee.. ok lets update for my past 2 days spent!

22.02.07 (thurs)
took off to rest at home cos throat was getting real pain lor..damn.. watched Lost for the whole afternoon... went to Yun's house around 8pm...with Peiwen, Pearlyn and Juan.. Xueli joined us after her lecture ended.. went to pearlyn's working place.. err..some pub at tanjong pagar.. Glamors? or smething similiar lah.. had 2 bottles of red wine.. haiz.. Yun was damn noisy as usual.. haha.. only peiwen entertained her.. left the pub around 2am then Xueli send us home..

23.02.07 (fri)
worked for 12hrs..freakingly tired.. and was in kinda bad mood.. and im too lazy to talk abt it again.. all this stupid work and staffs really giving me headache. and i've to be in-charge for TM and Hougang now.. im already short of manpower for tm already..now they still fucking throw 1 more hougang to me..WITH NO PERM STAFF! WTF! i really dont know what the previous in-charge was doing for the past few mths! and worse thing is, my own staff, Chris, choose to resign at this time. LOLX.. i really regret man.. when i'd other options at that time when i employed him, i still chose him when i was being reminded that he's only 17. was so confident and told yt.. "can de lah.. though he's very young but from the way he talk i think he can work".. haiz im wrong.. 17 jiu shi 17.. still very immature.. speechless...
aft work, went to shin8 with qf, mike, dap and pq.. tim joined us too.. finished our half bot remaining few weeks back.. then ordered a new bot.. actually aft the 1 and half bot, most of them had quite enough but drunkard qf.. want us to share a barrier with her.. well, ended up vomitting.. stupid beer..
after shin, we headed to geylang for supper with wenshan...hee.. i realise hor...ive been having supper with her everytime i go shin leh... hmm... she is a bad influence lor.. hahaha.. nv mind lah i know she dote on me and dont mean harm de..hahaha..

had some photos taken last night.. shall update soon.....

smoke-d @
Saturday, February 24, 2007}

FUCK MAN! SPENT MORE THAN HALF AN HR BLOGGING THEN SUDDENLY PC HANG! AND THE BLOG ENTRY WASNT SAVED AS DRAFT ALSO!! WAH DAMN IT LOR!!!

sian.. now im too lazy to re-do the blog anymore..so im just going to summarize now..haiz..

worked till 6pm today.. went Qf hse..and had dinner at her house.. aft dinner, we headed to BUgis for eyebrow trimming.. then went to Tony's shop to collect pineapple tarts and cookies.. bought from Judy.. :)
on our way back.. we drove passed city area..(mike's car was playing some sad music).. felt kinda upset suddenly.. and i kept all quiet in the car.. somehow.. can feel so near to u when mike drove passed city.. but yet it felt so far.. it just appeared in my mind that u might be in town also.. hai.. i also dunno what nonsense im sprouting now.. just couldnt describe that feeling in words now.. :(

shall be working till Lunar Eve.. sian.. so tired lor..

felt so confused now.. dunno why also.. BOOO!! fucking hate this feeling man.. HOW AR.... think i better go watch my drama series now.. wont think so much.. :)

想起去年的今天。。。好怀念。。。。。

smoke-d @
Thursday, February 15, 2007}

im getting lazier to think of a topic each time i blog! sian lah so today..dun wanna waste another few more mins thinking of the title. work was damn shack today.. with only me and yt.. can imagine we only stopped doing our stocks till 9pm? damned.. and still couldnt finish lor! sianz..tmr still gotta clear up the shit left today.

well.. felt kinda frustrated over some stupid things this afternoon and it really kind of pissed me off for a while.. haiz.. no wonder i cant finish my work.. wasted like an hour broading over stupid issues. actually i wouldnt be so pissed but sometimes i just dont like the feeling of being interrogated like a convict. and to me, this is enough to make brain burn... of cos, there's humans rights.. u can speak/ask/say anything u wish to. and the impt point is - how u do it. dont sound like as if someone is obligated to give u an explanation, unless he/she is a convict and u are the judge.

haiz..enough of these small small issues that is making my like imperfect. at the end of it, blame who? LOL.. no one. im so sick of all this fucking problems.. and its all revolving around YOU. i cant say its because of u cos it will be too unfair to u if i say so..all this isnt what u hoped for also.. i can only say it all revolves u.. why?? cos im still living in ur shadow i guess. BUT, not anymore after today. :)

CNY coming le..dun wanna make myself so unhappy..very suay de.. be it friends or foe, just hope everyone live happily & healthily.. :)
coming to believe that everything is destined and fated.. so yup.. let fate decides bah! :D

smoke-d @
Wednesday, February 14, 2007}

no updates for the past few days..as nothing much is up anyway.. only fri..went ktv with Qf, mike, Cy and vincent and keline.. played some drawing card games..haha qf was drunk..so drunk.. wahahahaa.. took off today..went andy's salon to cut and dye hair.. kinda short leh! and nerd also.. haha.. nv mind lah.. i like acting nerdy also! :0) spent 6hrs at his salon cos me, qf and sis all dyed hair.. after that rushed to town to get my new canvas shoe! all time fav de converse.. actually aimed another nicer pair but..but.. $89.90!! siao ar.. i would rather buy Nike or Adidas if i were to spend 90bucks on Converse..
after getting shoes, we rushed to Paragon to get my levis' tee.. hmm.. ok lah.. aiyah now CNY also not like in the past le..when every1 looked forward to it so much and anticipated so much.. now.. haiz.. waste of time and money..

2 more days.. Valentines' Day le.. haiz... damn sian this year.. drop it.. another sucking topic. but nv mind since i'll be working! if that day got OT i also dont mind lor..hahaha..

feeling very frustrated these few days man.. dunno whats in my mind also..everyday like living in a daze.. work also damn blur.. sian... ARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!! sometimes really feel like finding something for me to vent my frustration..but i kept reminding myself to keep my cool.. for how long? i also dunno.... really dun feel like thinking so much now le.....its been long enough.. i think its enough le.. i totally hate this feeling can! sigh....

--------just hoped u're still here... but now..it seems to me that u're so near...but yet....so farrrr.......

smoke-d @
Tuesday, February 13, 2007}

EMO AGAIN!
late nights are always unbearable......... how to ever forget someone who have always been in ur heart?!
how to forget someone who is always appearing in ur mind.. for like 12 out of ur 24 hrs a day?
GODDDDDDD!! why cant u hear my prayers? why cant u see me? i've only one tiny tiny request...cant u just answer to my prayer..
when ppl says "forget it lah.. let it go.. dont live in the past.. look forward in life"..blah blah blah.. its just whole load of rubbish! the problem is - HOW TO? haiz.. i remember 1 of my idiom -"care for the people who cares for u"... but why am i always caring for ppl who dont care for me?! hahahaha.. or shall i edit it..
edit:// but why am i always caring for pple WHO DONT CARE FOR ME ANYMORE?!
for goodness sake.. i've been insomnia for so many days le.. everyday sleep at 4 or 5am.. then morning stil have to work.. everyday also oversleep.. ARGHH! BOO!!!

pleaseee... someone pls give me some antidote.. that can determine me more..make me stronger.. make me more heartless.. MAKE ME FORGET AND LET GO... haiz.. ppl already moved on le.. why am i still living in those past.. GET A LIFE LAH!!!

STOP DREAMING!! STOP REMINISCING ABT THE PAST! WAKE UP!!!!

say me brainless, say me stoopid.. foolish.. no better than an idiot.. I DON'T DENY.

smoke-d @
Thursday, February 08, 2007}

hmm.. b4 i start this entry.. well.. dad is in the living room with big sis.. telling her The Philosophy of LIFE.. lolx.. of cos.. its the topic of aussie again.. haiz.. sis leaving on the 4th next mth le..so fast.. remembered.. i used to argue with them..for wanting a room of my own.. and now..when sis leaves, i'll have my own room soon.. but.. haiz.. think i rather share room with her.. really gonna miss her.. WHY?

1. no more tibits, juices, soft drinks at home.. only she will buy such stuffs to store at home.
2. nobody to yell at me when i off the fan at night.
3. nobody to open up a can of soft drink, drink half of it then pass to me. (im always lazy to take things myself at home.)
4. nobody to buy me supper when im at home!
5. no more bread/cakes for breakfast.
6. no more "la-jiao-ji" (chilli chicken). mum dunno how to cook also.
7. b'day dinner without her. the whole family usually arrange a day to eat out on every's bday, father's/mother's day.

aiyah.. dun note down le..so saddening..wahahhaa.. nv mind lah she still can send pressies over by air mail.. luckily we've got things like webcam on earth lor.. still can see her..haha..

well..apparently nth much is going on for the past few days.. if not i wont be updating EVERYDAY~! haiz.. wat to do.. Qf ask me go mc cafe meet her jus now i also reject her.. sianz.. though im off on this sat, but fri also no programme.. sian sian sian!!

HOW HOW HOW?!!!!!!!!!
feeling so troubled esp over these 2days.. WHY? i dont know also. haiz.. cant seem to get some things clear in my mind.. when the decision should be so clear-cut. I HATE THE WISHY-WASHY ME!

25 more days.. to sis's departure? departure sounds weird hor.. sis's leaving? whatever. haha.. this year de CNY shall be a MERRY, MERRY ONE! and hopefully, if next year she cant come back on CNY, we will fly to aussie to celebrate with her!(prayzz)

-----if only the next 25days can have 48hrs per day, 12omins per hour and 120secs per minute...

smoke-d @
Thursday, February 08, 2007}

back to work today.. was kinda moody but luckily got yanting to entertain me for the whole day.. met some "funny" customers and we laughed away.. lolx.. silly us was sooO bored till we looked thru our window to E-Zone..then saw a guy playing 1 of the dance machine( i dunno wad ppl call that game).. so funny and we started laughing so happily at him without him realising..
think i really love TM and all the staffs here.. they are really the ones who make me stay on in this sucking company.. i think they are really the gifts from heaven.. if not for them, i wouldnt have come so far.. esp. yanting who have made my workload so much lesser after tony left.. haiz but too bad, she's gonna convert to part time soon le..
:( gonna miss her for sure man..

well.. realised something while talking to keline on the phone last night.. i'm off on V day! fuck man.. didnt even realise that when i planned the roster.. so, went back to work today and immediately change that off day! wahaha.. dont wanna feel lonely on V day..its so saddening.. :(

sometimes, i kinda feel that i'm leading my life aimlessly.. dont even know what's there i can look forward to in life.. now, i just feel like some kids losing their way in a maze.. feels horrible and terrified at times.. i dont even know what i want in life... sigh... once i heard from a friend, "it is terrible for someone to live without goals". agree? *nodd*

--- these wounds wont seem to heal.. this pain is just too real.. and there's just too much that time cannot erase......

smoke-d @
Wednesday, February 07, 2007}

knn im really in total loss for words lor.. cb.. getting poorer and poorer.. thats why ppl say dont get desperate for money..! haiz.. another fucked up weekend.. thought can get and save some money.. for my sis who's flying for aussie soon.. haiz.. nv mind.. still got chance de.. 1 more mth to go.... :)

can anyone think of any gd reasons for humans to lie for? because of fear? or to avoid from hurting others' feelings.. i simply hate dishonesty.. after so long..u still want to keep lying thru ur teeth.. i think u just enjoy lying to others, it has become 1 of ur HOBBY to lie.. and me, of all things i hate liars. and im not going to live with ur lies any longer.

updates for the weekends..

sat's outing was changed from dbl-o to shin8..again.. this time only me, qf, mike and keline went.. only managed to drink 3/4 of the bottle.. think every1 was stoned after last night's drinking.. left there nearly 3am.. me and keline went geylang for steamboat.. headed home at 5am..

wah guess wad? i slept for nearly 12hrs lor! gawd damn.. i know it is quite common for alot of u lah.. but for me, usually i wil only sleep till 11 or 12noon de.. spent half of sunday sleeping lor..wasted.. slept from 5plus to 5pm.. failed to visit granny.. went chong pang with lr and pq.. bought a pair of jeans but lr pay lah..haha.. after that packed dinner home.. dunno why still so tired aft resting for the whole of sunday.. took leave today.. slept whole day again.. tis time worse.. slept till 8pm.. but interval got wake up for 2 times lah.. to eat.. wahahaha..

damn sian today.. rotted... haiz.. tmr gotta work le.. kinda miss my colleagues and shop..haha dunno why.. ;)

---- no matter how hard i try.. ur face just wouldnt stop appearing in my mind.....

smoke-d @
Monday, February 05, 2007}

wahahaha.. so many drunkards last night! lolx.. updates......!

31.01.07 (wed)
was off on wed.. slacked at home the whole afternoon then went out to meet a friend in the evening.. went to catch a movie at Plaza Singapura.. watched Happy Birthday.. gawd.. sad lah the movie but i didnt cry..guess because i knew the story..haha.. the ending was so heart-breaking.. haiz.. thumps up! i give 4popcorns/5!
after movie, wenta have steamboat at geylang.. got no places to go and was rather full so we decided to take a walk at east coast park.. walked awhile, sat and chit chatted.. till 2am? talked abt alot.. but to my disappointment, we stil didnt get an answer to our problems.. but forget it lah.. i'm learning how to let it go.. :) and people, stop saying i ZHONG SE QING YOU! i was just meeting a friend! OKAY? reached home around 4am.. slept at 6plus.. zzZZZ dreamt of u..and the dream was soOO real...... that i could even feel the heartache that woke me up at 8am... haiz..

01.02.07 (thurs)
worked of cos.. went nowhere so headed home aft work.. slept kinda early.. 1 plus i think.. :D

02.02.07 (fri)
hee.. went to shin bar last night aft work.. with Qf, Keline, Joc, Dap, Mike, PQ(1hr) Weiwen.. immune liao.. we total drank 2bottles and 1 barrier of beer.. all drink finish.. i can say i was almost gone.. lucky i clever.. left there 5mins earlier than them and went to the coffeeshop beside shin bar.. drank teh-o.. haha.. drunkards for last night: CHAMPION- WENSHAN! 1st runner-up Weiwen.. 2nd runner up got 2 winners lah.. Qingfen and Keline.. againz.. haiz.. i wasnt that drunk lah.. i also dunno why.. and stoopid QF.. knn.. play games with her.. duno blow the bottle how many times.. blow until i almost vomit at our seat.. but heng lah.. i better than keline.. managed to rush to toilet to vomit.. haha.. after shin, we headed to Dragonfly.. saw Juan and Pearlyn there! haha.. so nice seeing u girls! :) stayed there for a while only as WW was drunk.. me, ws and ww went to eat at some place called "Charcoal".. haha nicenice! reached home around 6am... zzZZZ

so..today.. i think its another drinking night again.. Dbl-O... sian everytime go dbl o i sure drunk dunno why.. i think i can drink martel.. but tequila ... haiz.. muz avoid Qf tonight cos she always knn..anyhow jio ppl drink tequila.. Keline pls eat more butter! and pls hor.. tag my board somemore lah dunno who drunk last night.. dunno who keep laughing and talking at mike's car last night.. BOOO!!!!

smoke-d @
Saturday, February 03, 2007}