for the first time in my life, i'm experiencing the pain of losing a kin. grandma passed away on Mon, 12.03.07. at one moment, i blamed myself for not being able to visit her..for not seeing her for the last time. and i intended to visit her on wed, which is today and its my off day. but..im late.. too late.. tried to rush down after getting the news from LR.. still hoping to see her for the last time though sis told me that she has passed away..
time waits for no one.. ...
i miss all abt her.. even her yelling and funny conversations with us.. i couldnt believe or accept the fact that she's gone.. and until this morning, i still think that she's just asleep and she will wake up. repeatedly, i asked Lr and my cousins.. "the doctor who came to certify her death didnt examine her right? they didnt check her heartbeat right?" i dont remember seeing the doctor checking.. i really think she is asleep.. till they told me that the doctor did check before i came..and said she's already breathless..
big sis came back from aussie.. to pay her last respect.. though she didnt get to see grandma again..
went thru the .. some traditional ceremony this morning.. i felt my heart aching. expectedly, everyone broke into tears..

i'm getting better now..alot.. grandma's already 94 this year.. guess grandpa has been waiting for her long enough.. its time that we let go.. since grandma has been falling sick for the past few years.. and this might be a relieve for her.

i just missed her.... if i knew that she couldnt wait for me, i would have try all means to take leave to see her.. i would have spend the whole day with her.. :...(

wont be working the whole of this week.. will be going back to the funeral everyday.. and Sat gonna stay overnight there..
thanks alot to all my friends who came to visit today.. Keline, Jocelyn, Peiwen, Xiaoyun and Xueli.. and in advance to the rest and the mj colleagues who will be coming in this few days..

really really hope that grandma will be up there now..with grandpa..living comfortably.. shall continue burning the incense paper for her tmr when i go back to the wake.. i think that's all what i can do for her.. for now.. cuz ...... i didnt really did anything for her when she was still alive....

-----life is too vulnerable for us to wait till we regret when someone left.

smoke-d @
Wednesday, March 14, 2007}