changed my off day from thurs to today.. was feeling pretty sicked last night..but got better today..damn..if i know i guess i wont change my off day bah.. gotta work long stretch after today..

i think grandma was back last night.. saw a moth in the bathroom..(according to the chinese believes).. if it was a green moth or butterfly, i'll be pretty sure that is grandma.. cos there was 1 during the wake..and it appeared twice..

am kinda sad today over some things.. some things which i think its fated for me to find out though i VERY VERY MUCH dont wish to know. i think all Librans are indecisive.. always in dilemma.. ..
i think curiousity kills.. i think fate kills too.. its all .. simply dreadful man... haiz.. though i didnt want to know the truth..i dont want to know the inside-out of people around me.. but at another point of view, it might not be a bad thing. i think it kills all the "hope-cells" in me.. (thats why ppl always says -truth hurts- ya?

and i realise, people dont dont dare/wish to know the truth are just hiding facts. they just dont want to accept and face the facts. well, that was me i dont deny. but, was the "past-me"..
dont know why, i seemed to have change alot esp in my thinking. i think ive turned more optimistic recently..
i remember i was one who used to say "i'd rather not know the truth, and if the truth hurts, i'd rather want u to continue lying to me.."
but now, i think that was a cowardly side of me..
if by knowing the truth hurts people, i think that is 1 gd way to make ppl give up on hopes..esp all the false hopes. thats when people wake up, right?

well i guess all this changes in me..was after sis who needed to leave the family to work in another country and.. of cos..after losing grandma..
after i felt and experienced that kind of pain..and misses for grandma who left me forever.. and secondly, had to be separated from sis..who need to work in a faraway country for dont know how many donkey years...
i realised.. nothing..will be more painful than this. whether be it friends who turned into enemies or couples breaking up.. this is all nothing compared to the above. at the very least, u didnt lose them forever. u can still get to see them whenever u want.. :)

think i'm being more emotional today.
but i know i'm being stronger..after each fall back in life. i will.

nothing is forever.. there's no point in dwelling over matters or things that are fated.. getting upset or torture everyday of ur life doesnt help. it wont bring back what u lost nor solve ur problem. so i guess the only way out is to get over it. time fades away everything..... the only thing that remains are the memories and having memories .. is gd enough.. ....

----the more u ask for in life, the more disappointed u will be. Be contented with what u already have. =)

smoke-d @
Wednesday, March 28, 2007}