its really tiring..to have commitment, to please/humour someone, giving-in, nothing in return.. so whats the purpose for all the above shits? why try so hard when u'r obviously not being appreciated? sometimes, i try to hold back my tears, n its helluva difficult! but, it isnt all about the kind of pain in ur eyes when ur tears are fallin', its the sharp thingy that really pokes ur heart, the real kinda pain that will cause ur tear flowing! sometimes, just hoped i could give everything up, & have a new beginning.. whether a gd or bad one, at least i know i am not staying at the point where everyone's moving forward, but im still at the start point. felt so useless of myself. really hope/wanted all the efforts made could in return be some happiness or appreciation..been tryin hard & harder each time.. humans will nvr be satisfy.. if only i can pour everythin out to someone! its so much pain, so much agony to keep everythin within urself, yet..have to act and work like nothing matters. had to smile, laugh when someone cracks a joke(be it funny or lame).. but in fact, ur heart is bleeding inside u..but no one sees it..
its a terrible day today! horrid! i can say.. people says " what goes around comes around".. but what the hell is coming around me? is it some kind of retribution? but as far as i remembered, i dont think ive ever let anyone down or hurt anyone.. just hope everything will be over soon.. or i dont think i will be able to take it anymore, im breaking down. 21st b'day. so what? no big fuck. all i want is happiness, & being appreciated, not the fancy gifts.
fancy gifts = $hundred(s)
happiness = priceless
this is what i need! god! i need happiness!! i need ur blessings! so where are u???

smoke-d @
Wednesday, August 09, 2006}