felt like shit today! haiz.. mood swing+tired+chunliang's leaving & .... haiz..whatever.. did so many wrong things..i realised.. and i hated myself.. for so many reasons..
- hate myself for being pessimistic
- hate myself for feelin' useless
- hate myself for trusting ppl whom i dont think i should
- hate myself for wasting time n effort on ppl who dont give a damn abt anythin at all! who only think for themselves!
- hate myself for being so soft-hearted
- hate myself for crying so easily!
- hate myself for trying so hard to treat ppl around me nicely but i received the vice-versa!
- hate myself for sleeping ...(cant mention here)

just hated everythin abt me! u know..i've nv really hurt someone, be it with words or actions.. but why am i getting it?! its not like retribution or what! if i do so, n ppl do the same thing to me, ok i accept it. but i didnt! its so fucking unfair, GOD! i strongly believes in fate..i believe that wad kinda life i'll be leading, or who i goin to meet, wad kind of obstacles i'll be facing is all fated! & i dont believe in things like "u can change the fate..its all within ur hands. BULL SHIT! hey its not like u want, then u will get it/change it! who can i blame? on my parents for giving birth me? on God for not blessing me? nah..blame it on myself.. i must be a murderer or someone so evil in my last life.. & now, i'm here to suffer..to be punished.. whatever!! I SURRENDER!!! :..(

smoke-d @
Monday, July 31, 2006}